How to Grab Attention from the Very First Message

Whether you’re in a bar or on your phone, first impressions matter. Your look plays a role, but your words often carry even more weight, especially online. Sometimes it clicks at the very first “hi.” More often, it takes a few tries, some back-and-forth, and a bit of patience to find a promising match.

Here are concrete tips to hook attention with your first message and stack the odds in your favor.

Read the profile (for real)

Before you write, take time to scan the profile. Photos don’t say everything. Look for what the person does and doesn’t want: serious relationship, casual fun, specific desires? Do you actually fit their criteria?

• If not: move on, you’ll save time.
• If yes: great, now send a relevant first message.

Personalize your approach

Show you read their profile by referencing a detail (activity, passion, value). It proves genuine interest and avoids the “copy–paste” vibe. Also adjust your tone: softer if they seem reserved; more direct if they clearly state they’re after something casual.

Examples:

• “I saw you’re looking for [type of relationship]. That’s me too. Want to chat?”
• “Looks like we share an interest in […]. Tell me more?”
• “We’ve got the same fantasy. How do you picture it?”

Give a compliment… a specific one

Targeted compliments land better than a generic “you’re hot.” Aim for a detail: a photo, a line in their bio, an overall vibe.

Examples:

• “Your smile in photo 2 makes you super approachable.”
• “I love your sense of humor. Up for swapping best punchlines over a drink?”
• “You look sporty. What’s your favorite workout right now?”

Add a light touch of humor (if it’s natural for you)

Humor is attractive, but keep it easy on a first message: skip dark, edgy, or political jokes. A simple pun or a profile-related quip can spark a smile.

Ask a real question to start the conversation

A message that invites an answer beats a flat statement. Pull from their profile:

• “Your third photo is gorgeous. Where was that?”
• “You say you love traveling. What’s your dream destination right now?”
• “You’re into BDSM: do you lean more Dominant or submissive?”

Be yourself

It’s tempting to “reinvent” yourself, but authenticity wins. Being honest about who you are builds trust from the start.

Examples:

• “First time on a dating site! I’m a bit nervous, but your profile made me want to say hi.”
• “You might be out of my league, but I wanted to shoot my shot.”

Know when to let go

No reply, or the chat fizzles? No big deal, move on. Don’t insist. There are plenty of members; invest your energy elsewhere.

Keep it measured

A reply isn’t a green light for explicit content. Never send intimate photos without consent. Ask first:

• “I’d like to send a slightly spicy photo. Would that be okay?”

And above all… keep perspective

There’s no magic formula. Flirting is trial-and-error, chemistry, and timing. If your “perfect” message goes unanswered, breathe, stay open, and have fun. There are millions of other members you can reach out to!